Holly

So here it is 11:02 p.m. and where am I, but on the computer. I should be sleeping while Holly is. But even when I lay down, slumber seems so far away! We have a surgery date set for Sept. 11! It's approaching all to fast! I'm REALLY SCARED to say the least. My little girl, my baby, what have I decided to do to her? Am I questioning our decision to have this surgery done; you bet ya! Do I really understand that it's the right thing to do, I think so! Will she be OK, I have faith that she will even though I'm still constantly worried about it. She is so beautiful and she's starting to really develop her little personality, which I can tell will be alot like mine! I look at her and Emiliee and am so thankful for the miracle and blessing of having them as my children! I don't thank Heavenly Father enough for entrusting me with these innocent souls. I hope to teach them the right things and do what my Father in Heaven expects of me! I love these girls and that man that is slumbering in my bed upstairs more than they will ever know! I'm so scared to lose my princess, I don't know what to do sometimes. I look at her and breakdown. She has no idea of what's in store for her. I keep repeating to myself that this is what's best for her, we're doing this because it's what's best for her, not for us! With tears in my eyes I will quietly lift her up and snuggle her and whisper "I love you". I'll sneak into Emiliee's room for one more kiss goodnight and whisper the same to her. Hopefully tommorow I'll be a little stronger.